Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Talking to a girl on the south coast of France; she was on an 18-30 but I still took a chance,
And on the last night beneath the stars of Marseille, she said that Robin Asquith was ... funny.
Oh God, how I longed for a dangerous wave so I could surf myself towards an early grave,
I would rather talk to plankton than to dance with you, I hope your plane back home's a DC10"

'Albert Hammond Bootleg' from the Trumpton Riots EP.

Everton

I'm hoping for a repeat of the 1985 Cup Winners' Cup semi final v Bayern Munich tonight. Not the scoreline - a 3-1 win would still see us eliminated - but the performance, atmosphere and the outcome. That match is still the best atmosphere I have ever experienced at any sporting event.

It will be extremely difficult. I can't deny we were outplayed by Fiorentina in the first leg and surprisingly for a David Moyes' side we seemed to lack passion and fight, but if Goddison Park can get behind them all the way we may have a chance.

COYB

Bayern CWC Semi 1985

Latest Music - Nick Cave

With a fair bit of time to listen to music I have been lucky enough to hear quite a bit of new stuff (and older stuff new to me) recently.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!

Picking up where Grinderman left off this is one of the rockiest Cave albums for a long while. Fantastically witty lyrics concerning (surprise, surprise) sex, God and death:

"Then a black girl with no clothes on she danced across the room
We charted the progress of the planets around that boogie-woogie moon
I called her my nubian princess, I gave her some sweet-back bad-ass jive
I spent the next seven years between her legs pining for my wife
But by and by it all went wrong, I felt all washed-up on the shore
She stared down at me from up in the storm as I sobbed upon the floor"

from the final track More News From Nowhere.

Lots of garage rock but also some gentler tracks. Cave seems to benefit from the presence of Warren Ellis. Great story telling songs and he seems rejuvenated having turned 50.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Tower block, You couldn't score in a tower block."

'Improv Workshop Mimeshow Gobshite' from the CD This Leaden Pall

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Oh I doctored my edible thong with listeria,
Now my only hope is that your offspring walks backwards."

'Prag Vec at the Melkeg' from the CD McIntyre, Treadmore and Davitt.

Time on my Hands

Before Christmas (14 Dec to be exact) I took a tumble. I slipped on some ice and landed with my considerable weight on my left elbow. Ok, those who know me may wonder if alcohol was a factor in this. Well, m'lud, let me make it clear from the start that I had been in Manchester since noon on our works' Christmas 'do' but in mitigation I had not been caning it and had drunk water at regular intervals. In fact by the time of the fall I had probably not had a drink for a couple of hours. Nevertheless I'm sure the alcohol in my system probably lessened the pain of the fall, thankfully. What probably made it worse is that I was holding a carrier bag containing a bottle of blackberry liqueur I had bought for Caroline so when I fell I automatically tried to protect the bottle in my right hand. I successfully prevented the bottle from breaking but did not have the same success with my left arm.

I picked myself up and decided that I would forego the kebab I had planned to get and would go straight home. When I got there I realised that the problem was more than just a bang and a bruise so I went off to A&E to meet the other drunken idiots that gather there on a Friday night (no, Lord Mancroft, not the nurses). Anyway to get to the point I was eventually (after about five hours) put in plaster and taken to a ward. It transpired that I had dislocated my elbow, broken two bones in the forearm, damaged the ligaments and shattered the elbow. I went to theatre on the Tuesday when an upper limb specialist was available and ended up with metal pins sticking out of my arm in a frame to prevent any movement. Being left-handed ensured maximum effect.

The best thing about the experience was undoubtedly the morphine button. Because the pain was so bad I was on a morphine drip and every time the light on the button came on I could press it and receive a dose. This was every five or six minutes. Talk about spaced out! Reality set in though when I realised that, nice though it would be to experience such a blissful state permanently, if I wanted to be home for Christmas I would have to wean myself off the happy juice. Showing tremendous restraint I managed this and was happily home over the festive period. Unfortunately I was pretty much reliant on Caroline to help me in most tasks such as dressing, showering (bin liner over the whole arm), drying, eating etc.

As time has gone on I have become more self reliant and the frame came off about six weeks ago. Unfortunately I have limited movement and the specialist says I will never be able to straighten the arm again. I have a number of exercises to try to increase the movement but it is a slow process and there appears to be some nerve damage preventing me from straightening my index finger and thumb. I am unable to drive and am still absent from work. I am still on regular doses of painkillers and any prolonged keyboard work is painful.

I'm hoping to return to work in a couple of weeks or so but it remains to be seen how much I will be able to do. It's frustrating that something so simple has caused such upheaval and that I played rugby league for nigh on 20 years without anything as serious or painful as this happening.

I don't feel totally confident with my arm yet. Last week I should have been going to see The Levellers but packed out as I didn't want to get it knocked or fall on it. Hopefully as movement increases and soreness diminishes I will be able to do more.

Many Happy Return

Well, having passed the first anniversary of my last posting I thought it was time to resurrect the blog and start regular posts again. I've been inundated with requests, nay, pleas for the return of this modern classic as you can imagine so let's see how long this lasts.

Random Festival Piccies

Kath and Tim - still getting acquainted.
















Ronan and Nigel













Yours truly with a serviette on head (placed by Silver Fox a split second before the photo was taken)












Siver Fox, Mountain Goat and Ageing Punk share thoughts on the best beer.















The main sponsors

















A Window















"No, it was definitely one of the Southport Brews ... I had it seventh ... or was it eighth?"

Liverpool Beer Festival (Post-Event) Part 4

As the festival ended amidst much last-minute disposal of beer vouchers we headed back to the station.








Last Orders Man prepares to ring his bell










Mountain Goat bids us a fond 'adieu' at the station















As we had 40 minutes to wait for the Preston train we decided the best way to fill the time was ... no wait for it ... some more beer. Fortunately the Head of Steam is on the station and met our needs admirably.










Steve G-C contemplates whether to explain the appeal of beer festivals to the young girl sitting next to him.








Tim and Ronan in The Fox and Grapes on our return to Preston. The faces tell you that by this time enough beer has been consumed. so obviously that means me, Tim and the two Steves (or was it just one?) must go to the New Brit and ...







... kid ourselves we can play pool before heading off for a dodgy kebab. Such is the usual end to these events and long may it continue.

Liverpool Beer Festival (Post-Event) Part 3

Mountain Goat's palate cleanser makes its regular appearance.
















Tim the Author and Kath Rugby Mum (see last year) get acquainted






The bar with its excellent selection.
















Granny-Chaser gives the day a big thumbs up (only kidding Steve)













Bizzy and (by now, not so) Wet Nigel decide on their next selection













The aftermath of our feast

Liverpool Beer Festival (Post-Event) Part 2

Tim (left) and Ronan

Our laden table



This year we had decided, inspired by another group who usually attend, to bring our own food. Ronan Bizzy made a terrine that included chicken, black pudding, asparagus and cashew nuts, Steve Silver Fox did a pigeon and venison casserole, I made a chicken liver and marsala pate and Mountain Goat mad a multi-seed loaf. Tim the author brought some french bread and cheese and Wet Nigel and Steve Granny-Chaser just tucked in.














As you got your glass you were given vouchers for two complimentary halves of beer (one a Cains brew and one something else local that escapes me at the moment). We soon got stuck in and the food stopped us overindulging too heavily.

Liverpool Beer Festival (Post-Event) Part 1

Well, another good time had by all. The train journey was only notable for having to sit between a Daily Mail reader on one side and a Daily Express reader on the other. After that start things could only pick up. John the Mountain Goat showed us the beer list he had printed off for the festival and it looked like we should have booked tickets for the week judging by the number of brews on offer. The Mountain Goat had, in time-honoured tradition, indicated not only the beers he wanted but the order they were to be sampled in. Did someone say 'anorak'? Not me your honour.















When we reached Liverpool we met Wet Nigel (not as in Softie Walter, but wet as in walking half an hour to the station in Manchester in the pouring rain). Unfortunately Nigel had brought the weather with him and it was raining steadily by the time we left the station for the Walker Art Gallery. Yes, we needed our fix of culture before the festivities.
















We saw the model Lutyens started of his design for the Catholic Cathedral in Liverpool. Unfortunately the costs escalated and the project was abandoned and 'Paddy's Wigwam' was built instead. Even to a confirmed lapsed Catholic as myself it seems a shame the original was not erected. It would have dominated Brownlow Hill and been on a huge scale.














Enough of arty stuff though - it was now time to walk up to the crypt of the current cathedral for the festival. Typically the rain had got worse so when we got there at about 11:30am (for 12 noon doors) there was a small crowd sheltering under some concrete steps ready to dash for the doors when they opened. Now I'm not saying the seven of us were particularly aesthetically pleasing (as you will see later) but compared to the mob already gathered we were the equivalent of, er, well ... Take Fat? As Steve said when asked if the crowd might start to get angry if left outside much longer, "Can an ugly crowd get ugly?"

Fortunately the stewards took pity on us and opened up 10 mins early.

Buzzcocks

Liverpool Beer Festival

I'm off to the Liverpool Beer Festival tomorrow so expect plenty of photos of middle-aged men drinking large amounts of real ale and mugging at the camera.

By way of a cultural experience beforehand we are going to see the model of Sir Edwin Lutyens' unbuilt design for Liverpool's catholic cathedral. Apparently his original vision for the cathedral was so ambitious that even the finely detailed model was never fully completed. The model has now been fully conserved and completed to Lutyens' final design.

Recent Gigs

I went to two gigs last week. The Blockheads, Ian Dury's former backing band, were on at Burnley Mechanics. As you will see from earlier posts I saw Billy Bragg there last year and the atmospherer was brilliant. It was all standing. This time the audience was much more restrained and this was mainly due, I feel, to the fact that it was seated. There was theatre-type seating at the rear and some tables and chairs (cabaret club style) at the front leaving a small 'dancefloor' area. The band were really tight and the sound was good but it never really got going. By the end there were about nine people dancing but unfortunately they looked like refugees from a Young Farmers event trying to 'get down' to some reggae. I almost felt embarrassed for them.

On Sunday I went to see The Buzzcocks at 53 Degrees in Preston and the audience was much livelier. A spirited mosh pit got in swing, complete with the obligatory bloke who couldn't stay upright due to excess booze or drugs. It even threatened to get a bit tasty at one stage. The band themselves were in great form. Steve Diggle looks like the comedy version of Keith Richards and was playing to the audience most of the time - Pete Shelley hasn't aged as well but has tremendous energy. The hits came one after another and the pace was relentless throughout. I can well recommend seeing them if they play anywhere near where you are. Photos will follow.

8 Point Try

The rugby league team I coach at Under 16 level had an interesting game yesterday. According to the referee we lost 20-18 but we dispute that! In the second half, whilst we were leading 6-4, the opposition full back (very good player) broke from his own half. Our centre tracked him all the way but just couldn't get close enough to tackle him. In frustration he slid in with his feet as the player wasscoring. He didn't make contact but it was obviously a foul. The referee decide it was what he called "an 8 point try". No arguments there but what followed next was unbelievable - he actually gave our opponents 8 points for the try (in effect making it two tries) and allowed the conversion so it was a 10 pointer and suddenly we are 14-6 down

I tried to explain that what he should have done was award the try, allow the conversion attempt then award a penalty in front of the sticks (a potential total of 8 points) but he wouldn't listen and said it was in the rule book. I made a complaint to him after the match and oficially to the North West Counties. It will be interesting to see what happens because strictly speaking, as our opponents scored three tries and two conversions to our three tries and three conversions we 'won' 18-16. As the penalty should have been in front of the sticks and would probably have been scored (especially as the posts were those that double for football so were twice as wide as normal) it would have been a draw so there could be any one of three possible results!

I await the judgement with interest. Any referees reading -what would your decision be?

Badly Drawn Boy

A great song and video and his acoustic version is fantastic too:

Shameless

I used to love 'Shameless', the Channel 4 comedy-drama set on a Manchester estate, so I was eagerly anticipating the new series which began lastTuesday. What a disappointment though. Two of the strongest characters, Kev and Veronica, are no longer in it, being incarcerated in a Romanian jail for attempted baby smuggling. The Maguire family have moved in next door in their place but their characterisation has been overcooked to the point of parody. It's like watching a pantomime at times with too many villains. The tenderness and affection that used to shine through the murkiness seems to have disappeared now and the characters are increasingly difficult to empathise with. I understand that creator Paul Abbot is no longer involved and that might explain some of the problems. I suppose it may pick up with a bit of luck but I'm not sure how long my patience will last. I'll watch tonight's episode and see how it goes.

Dame Eliza Manningham-Buller

Is she the new Michael Fish?

“A lady phoned to say she had heard a rumour an attack on the London Transport system was imminent. Well, I can assure that lady that there is no attack on the way in the foreseeable future.”