John Warburton on the Origin of Surnames

The quality of the picture is poor on the videos but the sound is clear enough.

John Warburton - Brum Accent the Equivalent of A Lazy Eye

For Fox Sake

On the first Tuesday of every month The Fox & Grapes pub in Preston hosts a comedy night. It's free to get in and the entertainment is always top notch, superbly hosted by Alan Donegan. Last night we had two comedians who went down a storm and even managed to deal well with the surreal hecklers from hell in the process. Vince Atta and John Warburton are both from Manchester but provide different types of laughs. Vince riffs off the audience a bit more but John, with his musical talent, is more structured but exceptionally funny. I took some pictures and a couple of short video clips but as they were only on my phone the quality is not great.

If you are anywhere near Preston do yourself a favour and come and support this event. You won't regret it - honestly!













Alan, your compere.

The Road

I've just finished reading 'The Road' by Cormac McCarthy. It is undoubtedly one of the finest novels I have read in a very long time. It is gripping, emotional, bleak, beautiful, sad, inspiring and many other things too. It is really a tale about every one of us.

It is set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland (no, hang on, come back!) but from that well-used starting point McCarthy constructs a novel of horror and intensity that you will want to finish it in one sitting. The tale is about a nameless father and son slowly making their way through a devastated America to the coast, trying to avoid the thugs on the road. There are many horrific images conjured up but the overwhelming and lasting impression is the love between the father and son and the dilemma the father feels in trying to 'unteach' his son many of the basic morals we take for granted. If you are a parent this book will particularly resonate, and at times I read it with a heavy heart.

The lack of names used throughout the narrative is both depersonalising and extremely personal as the reader can identify even more with the father and son without the burden of seeking meaning or boundaries of names.

It is a constant struggle for the father to retain dignity and keep a grip on nobility but the reader is drawn into this battle and is willing the parent to keep going.

There is not a lot of light in the book - it is almost relentlessly bleak, although one or two moments do shine with optimism and hope. This is such an intense read but the result is an astonishing achievement. This is the first of McCarthy's novels I have read but I shall certainly be seeking out others following my enjoyment of this one.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"There's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in Millets."

'National Shite Day' from the forthcoming CD CSI: Ambleside.

CSI: Ambleside

Track Listing for the new HMHB CD:

1. Evening Of Swing (Has Been Cancelled)

2. Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess

3. Took Problem Chimp To Ideal Home Show

4. Ode To Joyce

5. Blue Badge Abuser

6. Totnes Bickering Fair

7. King Of Hi-Vis

8. Lord Hereford's Knob

9. On The 'Roids

10. Petty Sessions

11. Little In The Way Of Sunshine

12. Give Us Bubblewrap

13. National Shite Day

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"I finally managed to reach the station, only to find that the bus replacement service had broken down.
After wondering to myself whether or not it should actually be called the train replacement service,
I walked out on to the concourse and noticed that the giant screen seemed to have been tampered with."

'National Shite Day' from the forthcoming CD CSI: Ambleside.

Vox Population

My elder son, Dan, is the drummer in a band called Vox Population. They have just started gigging and from starting off with cover versions when they were first rehearsing they now play mainly their own compositions. Below are links to download mp3s of three of their demos.

New Talent Show

Changing Faces

Cliches, Jeans and Cigarettes

Post a comment and let me know what you think.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the Book of Revelations.
There's no 'S' it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to St John the Divine.
See also Mary Hopkin; she must despair."

'Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo' from the CD Achtung Bono.

Obama

I don't get into many discussions about the US Presidential race but the furore over Obama's pastor made me smirk. I think this cartoon from the Springfield Journal-Register (by Chris Britt) sums up my feelings.

(Click for a larger version)

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"When I had my loft converted back into a loft,
The neighbours came around and scoffed, and called me retro.
But they are the type who never used to go to the match
Until the family thing got big in the late '80s."

'Friday Night and the Gates are Low' from the CD Some Call It Godcore.

Disability Discrimination

Why is it that people who wouldn't make 'amusing' comments about blacks, asians, jews, homosexuals etc find it acceptable to have a pot at someone who has lost a limb? I have no feelings for either Heather Mills or Paul McCartney but the number of times I have seen someone make what they thought was a highly witty and original comment regarding the word 'legless' or 'hopping' left me despairing.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"It's the year 2163, Chester Barnes has risen from the dead,
And he's coming round to creosote the fence, and I for one, feel spartan and monastic."

'This Leaden Pall' from the CD This Leaden Pall

Wigan Beer Festival 2008

John, the barman of the festival














Neil









Dave and Nick












After the disappointment of missing the St Walburge's festival we made our annual pilgrimage to Pie Country. Not much more needs saying. It was a beer festival and it was held in Wigan - Robin Park to be precise. Caroline and I met Dave, Neil and Chris in The Anvil and after a swift pint got a cab down to the festival. I don't think I had a bad beer all night but then again none stood out particularly (unlike last year when Tradewinds was a clear favourite). If pushed I would say Durham's White Amarillo or Coniston's Oliver's Light Ale (actually a light mild).

Half Man Half Biscuit Observation of the Day

Well, the day was nearly seven years ago, but you get the picture. This is from a Guardian feature I read at the time, but thanks to Chris Rand and his HMHB Lyrics Project pages for the reminder. This, unfortunately, is quite an astute observation:

"For anybody who has never attended a Half Man Half Biscuit concert, these events are a near-religious experience. It's like going to one of those churches where everybody claps and smiles and sings along. At a Biscuit gig, everybody in the crowd knows every word to every song. They join in, right from the start, and sing along joyously. There is always a gaggle of bespectacled 33-year-olds huddled just to the side of the stage. One senses that they turn up to every show within a 56-mile drive in the avid hope that Nigel will one day forget a word. They're not unlike the quiet lad who works at Championship Vinyl, the shop in High Fidelity. They occasionally nod or shake their heads, half in admiration, half thwarted, when he gets through a tricky bit intact. These chaps - they're always men, always mild and slightly shy - are the spirit of the Biscuit fan. One senses also that they've driven to the gig at a nice, steady pace and they may well go mad and have a curry on the way home.

Biscuit fans are not natural born groovers, but the band's clash of punk chords and raw bass lends itself wonderfully to the Biscuit Chug. This involves fans standing on their tiptoes - or the very balls of their feet, at least - and bouncing on the spot for long periods of time. Not too much effort required, and absolutely anybody can pull it off."

I don't recognise anyone in there, but I can imagine ...

The full article can be read here.

Voiceless phone calls

This is scary.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Fired by wine she was almost mine 'til a fight broke out in the bar,
Third rate Les in his Burberry fez had gone just a little too far.
Nailing down his baling wire to the laminate floor,
He sang a salty song about a girl from Bangalore."

'27 Yards of Dental Floss' from the CD Camell Laird Social Club.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"At the new romantic craft fair, try and guess the alien's weight, Sir.
25 pence says you can't."

'Deep House Victims Minibus Appeal' from the CD Voyage to the Bottom of the Road

A Bridge Too Far

The bare facts are that Everton went out of the UEFA Cup last night 4-2 on penalties after extra time. That doesn't tell the whole story, however. On a night of high passion at Goodison Park the Blues comprehensively outplayed their illustrious Italian opponents even more so than the Florence side had done to them last week. The crowd were superb and the 4-4-2 formation (David Moyes had to change from his preferred five man midfield after Tim Cahill's injury in training) worked a treat. Were it not for an outstanding display from Sebastien Frey in La Viola's goal we could have had five or six. Once again for an English side, penalties were our downfall.

Ultimately I was so proud of the team last night and I only hope they can pick themselves up for the remaining nine Premiership games (and stick it to the redshite at the same time).

I'm Annoyed

And this time it's not to do with having read my Mum's Daily Mail (although I did sully myself on Saturday morning by doing just that, and had to have a shower when I got home). This time it's something much closer to my heart; beer. More specifically the Preston Beer Festival at St Walburges. I have spent the last three or four weeks trying to confirm the dates of this year's festival. I phoned the church on several occasions, not once getting an answer; I searched the internet regularly; I phoned the chairman of CAMRA West Lancs branch, a nice chap but he didn't know; and I enquired at local hostelries. Nobody could help me. Paula, the landlady of Bitter Suite, thought it may be this coming weekend (which would mean it once again clashed with the Wigan festival). I went on Google today to see if I could find out about it and discovered to my dismay that it had been last weekend! There was even a report in the Lancashire Evening Post about it.

This is the first Preston Festival I have missed for several years and having done my damnedest to find out about it I feel cheated at having missed it. How did the 700 people who turned up find out about it? Is there a secret mailing list I don't know about? According to the LEP article next year's festival is booked for 26-28 March 2009 so I must ensure that date is etched on my memory.

In the meantime I will content myself with drooling over the beer list for Wigan.