Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Not long now before lollipop men are called Darren."

'Totnes Bickering Fair' from the CD CSI: Ambleside.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"A dirty rounder, a no-good fraud,
A ne’er-do-well of the highest accord.
I’ve got the supermarket sympathy vote,
I’ve got a ten year old doctor’s note."

'Blue Badge Abuser' from the CD CSI: Ambleside

Disguising the Identity of a Baby

How not to

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"I am the girl from Deacon Blue, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.
Multi-talented Sinitta, I just want to meet yer,
Cos I am St Peter, and you're going downstairs,
Along with cars that have pet names."

'Mars Ultras, You'll Never Make The Station' from a Peel Session.

Show Me The Bottle

Dilemma

Some of you will know of the comedy night at the Fox and Grapes in Preston on the first Tuesday of every month - if not, see earlier posts. Caroline, Stuart and I put a lot of work into the publicity for the last event with new posters, fliers and a blog and we were rewarded by a noticeably larger crowd. Unfortunately the headliner, Dave Twentyman, had to cry off at very short notice as his wife was taken ill (hopefully she is ok now). Alan managed to get a friend to replace him with only a couple of hours notice. The evening was not a great success, however. Alan seemed to be off song - probably due to the stress of having to frantically make calls to save the evening and also the larger crowd - and the two comedians had mixed fortunes. One did quite well but the other was trying out new material and appeared to misjudge the audience, even veering rather close to racism at one point. There was also a young lad in the audience whose girlfriend made the mistake of letting it slip he was a copper and he provided an easy get-out for the performers when things weren't going well - just get an easy laugh by pointing at the poor lad and making a comment about the police. Too cheap in my opinion.

My dilemma is this: when reporting the evening on the blog I don't want to put people off coming by being too negative about the event but I also want to make clear to the newcomers that this was not typical of the comedy night and that things are usually much better. I need to give this some thought.

Half Man Half Biscuit Lyric of the Day

"Through your children’s bedroom walls,
Slowly walks the wraith of me.
I read the news today, oh boy,
Svarc rejects new Layer terms."

'Fear My Wraith' from the CD Some Call It Godcore.

CSI: Ambleside ...

... has landed. As good as expected and with numerous hidden gems waiting to be uncovered as each play progresses.

In celebration here are two (count 'em) HMHB Lyrics of the Day.

Firstly the wonderful Carry On Biscuiting, double entendre that is 'Lord Hereford's Knob':


"As I camped out one evening to take the midnight air,
I heard a maiden grieving from somewhere over there,
Who is it you are mourning, for whom do you wear grey,
She said 'I pine for no one, I just can’t pay my way.
Ever since the chattering classes invaded Hebden Bridge,
And priced the likes of me and mine to the pots of the Pennine Ridge
To South East Wales I was forced to flee, and now I have no job.
That’s why tonight I’m sitting on top of Lord Hereford’s Knob'"

Secondly, from 'Petty Sessions':

"I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
And say, 'That’s not how I would spell “Hawaiian'".